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44 Husband Quotes Funny That Will Give You Barrels of Laughs

Laughter is the secret ingredient to a happy and lasting marriage. And when it comes to bringing out laughter, husbands seem to have a skill for it. The quirks, oddities, and charmingly unexplainable antics of husbands have been a source of joy for generations.

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In this delightful article, we'll look headfirst into the world of husband quotes. These are funny and proof of the regular humor of married life.

It ranges from their comical tries at making furniture to their funny, illogical logic when asked. Husbands have a unique way of keeping laughter alive in any relationship. So, prepare to take a hilarious journey through the memorable. These husband quotes have been delivered throughout the ages.

Husband Quotes Funny

These husband quotes are a reminder that even in the worst moments of marriage, there's always room for a good laugh—and that's what keeps love alive. Are you married, entertaining at a wedding, or enjoying a good dose of humor? These husband quotes are sure to have you rolling with laughter.

Let's check out some husband quotes funny to make you laugh, compiled from numerous sources, Tuesday (12/09/2023).

husband quotes funny

1. "I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes... She hugged me."

2. "The husband is the HEAD of the family and wife is the NECK that turns the head around!!"

3. "I and my wife are happy. At least when we are not together."

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Husband Quotes Funny

4. "Don’t stop dating your WIFE and never stop flirting with your HUSBAND."

5. "Let husband and wife never speak to one another in loud tones, unless the house is on fire."

6. "To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job."

7. "I love being my husband’s wife."

8. “Only a widow can say exactly where her husband is.”

9. "My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me."

10. “Marriage is just fancy a word to adopt an over grown male child who is no longer handled by his parents.”

11. “Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!”

12. “Marriage is a workshop – where the husband works & the wife shops.”

13. “My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.”

14. “A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.”

15. “A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”

16. “My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t.”

17. “Marriage is a relationship when one person is always right and the other is the husband.”
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Husband Quotes Funny

18. “My darling, this scenery makes me speechless. Husband: perfect, we are setting up tenet here.”

19. “Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.”

20. “Husbands are the best persons to share your secrets with… They won’t tell anyone because they aren’t even listening”

21. “A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.”

22. “My husband thinks I am crazy but I am not the one who married me.”

23. “I vow to love all of you, snoring included.”

24. “I don’t need Google, my husband knows everything.”

25. “When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.”

26. “A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted”

27. “A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.”

Husband Quotes Funny

28. “Husband: I am a grown man, stop mothering me. Also husband: Have you seen my keys? Have you seen my wallet? Where did we park? I don’t have clean underwear”

29. “One day my wife’s credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!”

Photo: pixabay

30. “A husband’s last words should always be ‘ok buy it’.”<br><br>31. “Tell her she is beatiful instead of hot… She is your wife not temperature.”<br><br>33. “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”<br>

30. “A husband’s last words should always be ‘ok buy it’.”

31. “Tell her she is beatiful instead of hot… She is your wife not temperature.”

33. “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”

34. “The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.” - Rick Reilly

35. “Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.”

36. "The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes." – Oscar Wilde

37. "Handsome husbands often make a wife’s heart ache." – Samuel Richardson

38. “I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry”

39. “Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!”

40. “One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip”

41. “I told my ex I felt like killing him and he said I needed professional help. So I hired a hitman”

42. “We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better and she couldn’t have done worse.” - Henny Youngman

Husband Quotes Funny

43. “My darling, this scenery makes me speechless. Husband: Perfect, we’re setting up tent here.”

44. “My husband wears the pants in my house.. The ones I pick”

Photo: pixabay/Claudio_Scott